Worried about worry.

The saying, “be careful what you wish for” blares out in my mind this morning. For the season of lent I have been seeking help with worry. Now, this seems to be a recurring theme with me and every third lent or so I come up with a new path that will lead me from the wilderness of worry to a new future…that I can’t envision. So far it has made some positive impacts each time I go through the exercise, but I worry that my worry will be worse in the future as I worry about the past, worry about my worry in the future and worry that I will forget to live in the moment.

Jesus said:

Matthew 6:25-34New International Version (NIV): Do Not Worry

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Each day has enough trouble of its own indeed. As I move through lent reading this passage daily it seems that I am shown daily how little control I have over anything and everything. There is something in the world that seems to work for my good, the good of my family and the good of others…but that most of all is out of my control. In the end what is real is what comes out during tribulations each of us endures as part of the human experience.

Lucretius wrote, “So it is more useful to watch a man in times of peril, and in adversity to discern what kind of man he is; for then at last words of truth are drawn from the depths of his heart, and the mask is torn off, reality remains (Book III, line 55-8).

We worry about times of peril and yet they are a necessity to test our own strength. Do we have it within us to persevere? Are we focused on what is important? Do we learn from the lesson at hand?

At the end of life if a life is well lived, we will have passed through enough trying times to tear away the facade we wish to portray. Daily people make their judgments on each of us. They think this or that and in reality we don’t know what they truly believe. How do their comments impact our action even though they likely don’t say what they mean and thus we can’t understand what they say. Old people are often blunt, sometimes mean and sometimes a joy to be around. Each of these individuals has chosen their reaction to life experiences. They have fallen and gotten up. They have messed up and moved on. They have continued a slow march forward when they felt they had no strength left to take another step. Slowly, methodically we pick up our foot and move it forward. What is left behind after these trials is the real human, the soul uncovered to see what lies beneath.

So far in this study, I have found that trials will come…and if you ask to be helped to overcome worry then you have to be prepared for the way that happens. So, I feel more overwhelmed than ever. More likely to fail at something important than I ever have, but I see the objective clearly. I know the path I should take…which boils down to the path I am on, but with my priorities set straight and a firm knowledge that for whatever I have the illusion of controlling, something far more powerful than I has some fashion of actual control. This power works for my good, the good of my family, the good of us all, so “Do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has enough trouble of its own” becomes an Epicurean motto translated to a Christian faith. To live in the moment, not worrying about the past or the future because one is written and the other is never as we imagine it will be. What I know and have any measure of control over is right here and right now. In this very moment I find grace, love, joy, peace and forgiveness if I choose to accept it.

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Martyrs to the Faith-An Ash Wednesday Reflection

As I sat in church I couldn’t help but think that 20 families in Egypt enter Lent with a needless absence of a family member. Yet, lent is about renewal and forgiveness.
As a nation we must stand against such evil.
As a Christian,  I fight to keep the love that is the basis of our faith in the face of such hate. Matthew 7:12 “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”

Martyrs for their faith have lived in all ages and in all places. As Father Parker notes in his piece, An Orthodox Christian Response to Beheading by Muslims there was no retribution for the beheading of John the Baptist. We do remember the story.

We have to offer forgiveness for these vile acts, but at the same time we can’t forget what religious extremism brings. This lent I hope to forgive the people who are committing these atrocious acts. I will also pray for the soldiers from around the globe, Christian, Muslim, Jewish or Atheist alike that they might bring justice to an unjust world and allow those who are persecuted and those who live in fear to find a new breath of freedom.

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On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…procrastination.

I saved down a moment ago and decided I should stop procrastinating and write this final post in the series. It has been almost a week and I’ve thought about posting, but I always seem to have something more important to do. By the time I get through my day help with dinner, homework and family time I’m exhausted. I try and try to keep going, but at some point there is a need for a moment to myself.  I drift off to sleep hoping to post tomorrow, but the coming days pass in increasingly rapid fashion while I procrastinate.
My grandma used to say, “If you don’t have money today, what makes you think that you will tomorrow?” I think that’s also true with time.
Seize the day…stop procrastinating and get that tough task done!
Th hank you for joining me on this holiday journey. Here’s to a better holoday in 2015 with proper prep amd planning!

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On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love gave to me…grace.

Holidays often bring out the worst in all of us. We have so much we want to say to people that we only see once or twice a year. We have so few opportunities to share our feelings that we open up to them during all to short visits. They ask us if everything is okay and since they are asking, we feel like we can dump our issues, feelings and emotions in their lap and walk away unscathed. They have to still love us, they are family. I know I have been guilty of over sharing at family events. The reality is that a family event can be a moment to share things that are necessary, to tell news or to talk about serious issues. However, as I was recently reminded a discussion requires me to listen. That can be tough when you have so much to say! It is equally challenging when you are the one trying to escape from the discussion! As the one listening, in years past I have found myself getting more and more irritated with the emotional dump. I want to have a good rant to explain that I can’t take any more. I have my own issues that I deal with on a daily basis. Sometimes I consider spending quality time out in the cold or snow…maybe some wood needs to be chopped or I really need to walk to the grocery store for something…ANYTHING! Sean Covey uses the metaphorical ‘Personal Bank Account’ in his book, the Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens. The basic premise is that each of us holds such an account and we choose to make deposits by doing positive things in our relationships and we make withdraws when we do negative things. Its a great book to read and if you’re really into it, you should read the original, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, Sean’s father. If you need to have a major discussion about your emotions, emotional state or other issues, there are lots of great Psychologists available and many insurance plans will cover the sessions. They can help you work through some deep emotional issues. Your family is most likely not trained to cope with your emotional needs appropriately. Even if they are a psychologist or counselor and you see them at the holidays, remember that they are also there for an escape from work and respect their right to some time away from their vocation. Even a few sessions may make a big difference on your outlook and improve your ability to deal with day to day issues in a more effective manner. Share your news, tell great stories, talk about your life. Recognize your family and friends limitations on their ability to listen and to help. Remember that we each have a personal bank account and when you’re the one over sharing you’re making a withdraw from that account. Make sure you are the one listening and helping sometimes so you have some deposits to offset the withdraws. Let the good and fun family stories go on. Take the negative stories and learn from those mistakes. Ultimately have the grace to listen and speak in kindness and love.

This is the eleventh post in this series, let me recommend you first read ‘Twelve Debts of Christmas‘, ‘Family Holiday Ground Rules’, ‘1 Million Dollars’‘A Mental Breakdown’‘Equity’, ‘Freedom’‘Entertainment’, ‘Time’, ‘Tech Free Space’ and ‘Escape Route’.

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On the tenth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…an escape route.

Before the holidays come to an end, it is likely that some of you will feel your inner Holden Caulfield and will need an escape route. Wouldn’t it be nice if in life we had pre-planned escape routes? We need someone to make an announcement, “In case of an emotional, personal or stress related emergency, you can find exits here, here and here.”

Why not set some up in advance? The need to get away from things isn’t limited to needing to escape the holidays, family, in-laws or out-laws. There is a need for each of us to escape our normal day-to-day. No matter where you live, where you work or where you went for Christmas vacation…we all need a day of R & R our way! Choose the path you want, but get out into nature. Find a river, a beach, a stream or a trail…and follow it. You’ll be amazed at the secrets you can unlock in yourself when you spend time in the wild!

This is the tenth post in this series, let me recommend you first read ‘Twelve Debts of Christmas‘, ‘Family Holiday Ground Rules’, ‘1 Million Dollars’‘A Mental Breakdown’‘Equity’, ‘Freedom’‘Entertainment’, ‘Time’ and ‘Tech Free Space’.

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On the ninth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…a tech free space.

I looked around the room to see five people all facing the middle of the room, the television showing a movie we were watching ‘together’. It should have been a great shared experience, but for the five people in the room there were five devices. There was information exchange going on, but not with the people in the room. After an hour we could tell you just what our Facebook friends were thinking, but we hadn’t spoken a word. Yes, I too am guilty as I looked up from checking football scores on my smart phone to see the other four people on five devices. Being a Gen Xer, I immediately stopped using mine and began to judge everyone else.

We travel to make the holidays with family. We save through the year, we try to make a good plan and stick to it…then when we arrive we ask for the wi-fi password within an hour of arriving and continue our obsession with technology. Checking Facebook to see who posted the cutest Christmas picture. Tweeting to our friends that we have arrived.  Surfing the internet…or writing another Blog post in your current series. This is a cultural phenomenon that has no end in sight, so its important to accept and adapt to the new construct.

One adaptation that we have in our house all the time is one living area dedicated as a technology free zone. We do have a phone there, but  it is a vintage 1980s Mickey Mouse phone, cord and all! The fire burns bright, warming the room with a natural heat  that warms the soul as much as the skin. The chairs are set for a conversation and the room as a whole beckons you to sit down and read a book, catch up with an old friend or take a nap on a winter’s afternoon. This room is a sacred place in our house. It is a room out of time where all of the ‘conveniences’ of our modern age are forbidden.

We also ban technology use at the dinner table. If you are the host, it is important to set some ground rules for where device use is allowed. This also provides a polite way of helping those who feel that everyone at the dinner table needs to hear their entire phone conversation. In fact, I don’t care about how important you are that your work has to call you on a holiday. I do care that if you are talking/texting/Facebooking, etc. while you are at the dinner table you cause a distraction that becomes part of the conversation. It is better to politely excuse yourself and move into a more appropriate area.

Technology is awesome! Using it appropriately and with time constraints is even better. Don’t let your entire holiday be wasted in a techno vortex…find the joy in a tech free space!

This is the ninth post in this series, let me recommend you first read ‘Twelve Debts of Christmas‘, ‘Family Holiday Ground Rules’, ‘1 Million Dollars’‘A Mental Breakdown’‘Equity’, ‘Freedom’‘Entertainment’ and ‘Time’.

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On the eighth day of Christmas my true love gave to me…time.

The holidays bring such an onslaught of busy-ness that we often forget to spend time with the most important people in our lives, our families. In the hustle and bustle of the season, in the family politics, the office parties and making sure that we have everything accomplished it is all to easy to lose track of time and reach the end of the season and a new year without reconnecting with family and friends.

If you read this and realize you have made it through Thanksgiving and Christmas and have failed to give yourself time to enjoy the moment, take a moment to read the article below and find a plan to live the last three days of 2014 to the fullest!

Today I have the opportunity to share with you work by China Sojourns Photography that speaks the the fleeting nature of time and calls on us to live in this moment.

The only time we have is now, this nano-second of the present to live, where all we were andwill be is defined within this perfect moment to shine. As Heidegger called it: “the moment of vision”

Being Time in Kenya with Heidegger.

This is the eigth post in this series, let me recommend you first read ‘Twelve Debts of Christmas‘, ‘Family Holiday Ground Rules’, ‘1 Million Dollars’‘A Mental Breakdown’‘Equity’, ‘Freedom’ and ‘Entertainment’.

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