A Thanksgiving to Remember

The miles of New Mexico highway stretched out in front of me as if inviting me to drive to eternity…a journey that we are all on and one that may run for miles between big and memorable events. Each day there are small things that will build into memories upon memories, but only a few of those events are placed into a families shared memory. Many holiday memories become an amalgam of Thanksgivings or Christmases past. A few of those stand out. This is just such a story.

For me, the journey to any destination is just as important as the fun you have at the destination. Sometimes the journey is fun, sometimes it has challenges…in the best of times it has both. You get home feeling as if you have had a good time, learned valuable lessons and overcome obstacles as a family. The most important part of this process is not the completion of the journey, (although sometimes getting home is quite a relief!) but learning, adapting and embracing the good and bad on the journey.

That year for thanksgiving we faced a trek to Sacramento, CA from our home in Roswell, NM. We knew that anyway you cut it; this 2578 mile round trip journey would be a challenge. We looked at flights from Roswell, Albuquerque, El Paso, Lubbock and Amarillo. That cost would swallow up our entire budget for the holidays, so we ruled that out quickly. That left two options. Drive…the epic American road trip. Five days, 2578 miles, 172 gallons of gasoline, two hotel rooms and eight tired buns. I’ve driven much farther on vacation, but never under the time constraints that we faced. If we drove we would spend four days in the car and one day in Sacramento with family. All of these options left us scratching our heads as we were up against a wall and the only suitable option we could think of was to skip the entire expedition.

Then we remembered Amtrak. Our kids love the train and we have taken Amtrak when we lived in Missouri and again while here in New Mexico, but only for a few hours journey to Lamar, Colorado. We looked at our options and found an incredible deal! We could take the train in the afternoon, travel through the night while we slept and arrive in Los Angeles early the following morning ready to drive a few hours North and be there for two and a half days! This option won out, we bought the tickets, made the car reservation and began looking forward to the trip.

Heading to the train station.

Heading to the train station.

From the outset, we were all very excited to see family. We drove the three hours to Albuquerque, caught the train and were off to California. The train journey is extraordinary. For those who say it takes longer than driving, it is important to take into account the ability to continue to move 24 hours a day. Now, taking a flight will almost always be quicker, but for ground travel there is little that a car has on the train. No car seats are the first bonus and the kids were in awe of moving around, watching movies and playing cards while on the train. You can choose to sit in the sightseer lounge and leisurely watch miles and miles of America roll by while you have family time. I have to say, I was particularly pleased to be on a train without Wi-Fi access as we could only watch the movies we had on our laptop and IPad. A funny thing happened as we were sitting there…we talked, played cards…talked some more…the kids fought a bit, then shared and worked together. It was an amazing experience in this day and age, to sit around a table and be a family. No TV, no laptop and for the most part, no cell phone service. As journeys of self-discovery go, it was amazing to reach back in my memories to hours around the table playing games, talking and having fun back when we only had 5 channels on the TV and a video if you remembered to pick it up before the store closed for the holidays. Those were good times and I was relieved to remember them and know that they are still possible.

Family time on the train.

Family time on the train.

We arrived in Fullerton about an hour late, but still much farther along the trip than if we had driven. We had breakfast with my family and began the 400 mile journey North to Sacramento. Now, in most of middle America and certainly in New Mexico you can safely assume a 60 mile an hour trip, which accounts for frequent stops. That would take 6 ½ hours…the best you could hope for would be slightly over 5 hours, travelling at top speeds while family sleeps. What we didn’t account for was California traffic. Most Californians would tell you there are several things you should never discuss: Politics, religion and your epic journey for a holiday on the 5.

We were just South of Sacramento (at least we thought we were) when the level of pain endured in the 8 buns reached a tipping point. This strife overflowed in to the mouths and minds of our family members and there was an eternity (or a few minutes) of complaining followed by a ‘can’t do anything about it now’ attitude…all summed up in an unfortunate turn of phrase, ‘well, do you want to turn around?’ Being almost to Sacramento and mentioning returning directly to Roswell was certainly an attempt to throw down the gauntlet. However, one never fully thinks through the aftermath of such a comment. As a friend of mine says, ‘If it feels good (to say)…its no good’. I will let the reader interpret which member of the party took part in the conversation, but the final comment elicited a heated response immediately followed by the arrival of the epic freeze depicted in The Day After Tomorrow. We had another two hours to travel to Sacramento…little did we know that our family lived in the vicinity of Sacramento, meaning one hour North of Sacramento.  By the time we arrived we had been locked in the car together for 9 hours, 42 minutes and 13 seconds.

We spent two great days with family. We had a big Thanksgiving dinner, games, pictures, kids playing…kids fighting. Overall we had a great time. For the return trek we had learned some valuable lessons. We checked traffic times using INRIX and decided to leave at 3AM based on the apps ability to predict the best departure time to make sure we missed most of the traffic issues. We arrived in LA just 8 hours after leaving, and that included a 45 minute detour to start off the trip. We spent some good quality time with family in Long Beach, and then loaded the train for the journey east.

As the miles and miles of open New Mexico highway lay ahead on the last leg of our passage I watched the mountains in the distance, the mesas float in an endless sea of prairie and I gave thanks for the safe journey, the family to share it with and the blessing and beauty of a clear path.

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Ripples on the Journey

THE RIPPLES OF YOUR JOURNEY

November 25th, 2014 Gail Rodgers

We are on the last week of our Journey-themed devos! We hope that you have enjoyed them. Each day this week, we are going to share one of our Advent Journey Life Lessons to help you prepare for the Advent season.

Today’s Advent Journey Life Lesson is Emmanuel: God With Us

“…you be an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12

I stood on the shore and watched the kids throw rocks into the water. Whole fistfuls of pebbles flew through the air. Each one hit the water with the same result…ripples. Ripples that circled out and intersected with the other ripples, going far beyond the spot where each stone landed.

We are like the pebble. No matter how influential or insignificant we see ourselves, we each send out ripples that circle out further than we ever dream.

Words and deeds of kindness or cruelty, gentleness or abrasiveness, generosity or greed, all ripple out and touch other lives far beyond the boundaries we think they go. Our families, co-workers, neighbors, and even strangers are often touched by an act or a word of ours that we never thought would go that far.

We do influence, we do touch others, even when we are not aware of it. God even reminds us of our ripples:

“…you be an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.” 1 Timothy 4:12

Reblogged from Power to Change:

http://powertochange.com/blogposts/2014/11/25/the-ripples-of-your-journey/

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Two roads diverged in a yellow wood

image

Road Less Traveled in Southeast New Mexico

Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.

1. The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20

Downloaded August 31, 2014 from Bartleby.com

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Food for Worms.

One of my favorite movies is Dead Poets Society. This movie shaped my adolescence in a similar fashion to Catcher in the Rye, A Separate Peace and the Chocolate War. This movie introduced me to the term ‘Carpe Diem’, ‘Seize the Day’ in English. It must have been the first time I considered my life as a finite resource as its every word is etched in my memory.

I often catch myself not enjoying the moment, but reviewing the past or considering the future. It is hard to focus on the now. I have every reason to live in this very moment, but struggle to remind myself of the beauty of today. MOST importantly on the gift of my traveling companions whose love and kindness I do not deserve.

Over the years I am ever reminded if this scene and the fact that this is a one way trip and its hard to know when we’ll be disembarking. Some people choose to judge harshly those who do choose the time of their disembarkation. I say that I have not walked in your shoes, nor you in mine…and no one lives in my mind, but me. We can be kind, we can be supportive, we can love one another…but rushing to judgement only hurts those that are left behind and they will do plenty of that to themselves. Let us judge nothing but ourselves and in that only the question, ‘Did I love them well?’. 

PS: To Mr. Keeting: May you have safe travels and peace at journey’s end.

50 Books boys should read.

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Computer Free Morning Pledge

For a variety of reasons I like to get up, work out, check my bank account, facebook, etc. every morning. The computer generally swallows about thirty minutes of my time at home in the morning. I’m currently facing sure insanity as I sit here typing this while sitting on the patio, doves are calling, the sunrise is beautiful, the flies seem to be having an awfully early morning. This isn’t working for me. I need a computer free morning before I go to work and use the computer for most of the day. Do we have any time for reflection?

I spend a few minutes in meditation and prayer each morning. Ifind that this really helps me to start the day with a good frame ofreference. As part of my prayers, I thank whoever is helping me – I’msure that somebody or something is – I express gratitude for all myblessings and try to forgive the people that I’m feeling negativetoward. I try hard not to judge anyone, and I try to bless everyone who is part of my life, particularly anyone with whom I am having any problems.
Jim Henson

Will you make time for prayer, reflection meditation…or just some silence? I encourage you to take the pledge with me. No computers prior to work…if your retired set a time for reflection before you start into your computer filled day. Spend that time getting your day started right rather than starting out with useless information that can certainly wait until 0800.

Reflect, meditate, pray...

Reflect, meditate, pray…

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A Rite of August

As the moon peaks through a veil of clouds I sit in pain while I self medicate with a Boulevard Wheat after a long day. This annual rite of August is well known to teachers, their family and friends. The day after teachers can get into their room at school all help available is summoned to move, help, clean, re-arrange. The most amazing part is to watch the teachers dream of how their room can best suite the needs of their students for the coming year, how they can move quickly from one lesson to the other to cram in as much knowledge as possible in nine months of school. I have been through this rite most of my life. You see, I come from a family awash in teachers. You might say each one is a pragmatic dreamer, wanting to change the world with each and every student all the while realizing that every year there is ‘that one student’.

For the un-experienced walking into a summer classroom can be quite shocking. Now, it is much better if the teacher is keeping the same room, but any number of things could have happened over the summer. Summer school teachers may have used the room and while I am sure they try not to re-arrange or leave messes, invariably things are moved. Teachers are somewhat like Sherlock Holmes when it comes to things being moved in their classroom. I remember my teachers who would be able to tell you had been out of your desk or messing with her desk even before any video surveillance devices were available. So, the investigation begins…thankfully during this rite of August the investigation quickly reaches a finding of ‘no-fault’ due to a lack of suspects. Once the investigation ends the direction begins and the work of preparing the classroom for the first day of school commences in earnest.

Computers all amuck, wires EVERYWHERE, enough power-strips to power a small city and books, desks and chairs galore. Day one has been spent with the teachers meeting neighbors, trying to get the janitor to clean up each rooms own little disasters and to help set things right that were toppled, moved or dirtied over the two months they were away. Day two is when the familial help is called and you will see everyone possible there to help. Hopefully the teacher has a vision for the room and making ANY recommendations to a teacher with a plan is a dangerous game to play. It is best to take direction and when an opinion is requested be incredibly still and silent and don’t look them directly in the eyes. Any thought that a teacher who is asking for an opinion on their room actually wants one is 99% faulty…you will hit a good idea 1 time out of 100…pretty bad odds indeed. Once the teacher has forgotten they asked your opinion due to your stealthy behavior, they will ask you to help them try a few things, which you should follow dutifully. This action will be continued until the entire classroom is set up exactly how the teacher wants the room…for the moment.

Caution! When you visit the classroom again in a few weeks, EVERYTHING may have changed, don’t worry about that and don’t comment on ANYTHING! If you do, the line, “well I was thinking about changing it back”…will trap you for hours and you should refer back to the beginning of the article for guidance on the repeat performance. The benefit to the repeat is that you once again get to sit on the patio…and self medicate.

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Cows.

People are real good about closing the gate once all the cows get out.

 

You can quote her on that…Kathy Smith August 1, 2014

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Honesty.

In the short term the liar can often win, but in the long run a common liar is as easy to spot as the proverbial fat lady. By the time she finally sings no one is left who cares to listen.

 

You can quote me on that one…Kalith Smith      August 1, 2014.

 

 

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Listen to your mother.

Mom’s have a way of knowing what their kids need to hear, even when they don’t really want to hear it. I remember when I was dating a girl in college and we were in the car together with my mom and grandma. This young lady made the statement, ‘Men are tactical and women are strategic’. As soon as we dropped her off, mom turned and said, ‘did you hear what she said’? I had heard it and understood it to be a mantra that our lives would be filled with intrigue and deceit as she worked to manipulate things to meet her objectives. That is one relationship that I don’t look back on fondly. I look back and am thankful that sometimes mom is there to save us from ourselves.

Fast forward fifteen years to a time when I was dating the love of my life and mother to my children, who is wonderful and beautiful…and never reads my blog, thus my vain attempts at flattery won’t ever be read by their intended recipient…and my mother’s words once again rang true. I had broken up with her the week before Valentine’s, yes I’m a jerk. A few months later, we met again at a Royals game and I realized what I had lost. She helped plan activities for my nieces and nephews when they visited and endeared herself to my family. When I told my mom I was going to ask her out again she told me with the boldness of a mother scolding a two year old that I was not going to stick my toe in the pond and then get back out again…I’d better be committed to living in the pond before I took that leap. In the end she was right and we are going on ten years of wedded bliss (cue birds, flowers and choirs of angels here).

In her best performance so far, she has learned when not to provide every opinion she has. Raising my own children comes with its own built in issues, but she is letting me learn those with only a few comments here and there helps me continue to grow and to come to respect my moms advice more even as it becomes more sparing through the years.

As in so many things, a little goes a long way. I only hope that I’ll be there with words of wisdom in my children’s lives as they move through their own decisions. As I look up from my writing to the vision of my daughter turning my son in circles in a non-circular swing I realize that just now might be a good time to dispense some fatherly advice, but then again the fall is short and the lesson learned may be far more valuable than any word I could give.

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Clean Slate

Home improvement is a constant in my life. From painting to pulling carpet to building a tree-house for my kids there isn’t quite anything like cleaning up something that is old and making it gleam like new again. Today our task is to strip the eaves of paint, sand them to a smooth finish and repaint them so the wood will be protected and the house will look nicer. The color is chosen by my wife to create the look for the house that she thinks would be best and we work together to set the stage for the whole house transformation. 

I started this project over a week ago and started sanding the old paint expecting that would be enough to set the stage for a good fresh coat of paint. However, my sanding wasn’t enough to overcome the years of neglect that the previous owner subjected our home to. I kept going, but only a few days after I completed the task more paint was chipping off again. I couldn’t think of another way to do it, nor did I want to reinvent the process. I had a friend’s son coming to help and I showed him what I was doing. When I came home he had totally stripped all paint from the wood, cleanly and without damaging the wood. I couldn’t believe it, he had accomplished more and done it better than I had done even though he was younger and has far less life experience. He came at the problem with a fresh set of eyes and developed a better process to complete the task.

Years ago my wife and I came to an agreement that we would both assume that the other one was doing their best at whatever it was. This came after a couple of years with kids and a good bit of animosity about a variety of issues from keeping the house clean to watching our daughter. Without the basic operating principle that we are each doing our best, we were constantly feeling anger toward the other partner’s lethargy. In reality, we were both working hard, the most damage was caused not by our work ethics, but our perception of the situation. We gave each other a clean slate, changed our fundamental belief and built a new, stronger relationship from that point on.

Sometimes our pride can get in the way and we can’t admit that others have better ideas, that others work differently from ourselves. We word things poorly in the instructions or maybe we just can’t quite see the best way to accomplish the task. Are you one of those people who gives someone a task to do and then watches step by step to make sure they do it your way? If so, is it even remotely possible that they may have a better way to do it? The only way to know is to give them the task and let them do it! We have to trust that our friends and family are doing their best…no matter what we think we know about them, we really don’t know what they struggle with. Trust that your friends, family and co-workers are doing their best. Communicate your feelings openly when you think that may not be the case. You’ll find less stress in your life, less animosity toward your fellow human beings and the beauty in others as you see them transform into what they were meant to be.

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